*** Gender ***
This was quite an evocative focus. The discussion went on much longer than usual. Below are the notes:
*** It's Complicated!
*** I enjoyed the open question; responding, being who I am watching myself...is this a feminine thing I am doing? A masculine thing?
*** I was expecting a sexual charge with this focus, and thinking about it before the jam I imagined I would probably be dancing with men, but found myself dancing with all women. Felt less vulnerable.
*** Brought up my issues of relationship in general.
*** New people came to the jam because of interest in the focus.
*** I played with switching masculine and feminine energies even in different body parts simultaneously. Noticed both masculine and feminine ways of initiating dances.
*** I let the idea of gender just flow through me. It felt closely related to how I was experiencing power dynamics--initiating and pushing through an idea or following another's idea.
*** Traditional feminine/masculine energy is different depending on sexual orientation...Different sexual orientations added another layer of interpretation onto a dance or interaction.
*** Dances can change from sisterly/brotherly to motherly/fatherly to sexual, and that is interesting to watch.
*** Male/Female as archetypal energies that move and change through me, even though I stay Female.
*** Trios were interesting: Competition? For which? How will this break down?
*** With the focus on Gender I felt I didn't want to explore more sexual types of dancing, just felt there was too much of a spotlight on it.
*** When I dance with a person of the same gender I feel familiar with the rhythms and changes of energies I feel in them, but when I dance with the opposite gender I feel I can't know for sure what the messages are, and I get concerned that I might be doing something that offends them, it feels like there’s more ambiguity.
*** Sexual vs. Sensual dancing; choosing one partner vs. polymorphous sensuality
*** Thinking about gender really brought me into physical sensation, what I FEEL, what stimulates me. That felt vulnerable--do I put up a wall or what??
*** I noticed patterns of how I tend to tangle up with other bodies, regardless of gender, I tangle up in relationship.
*** The body in a specific shape or orientation brought up feelings of power or surrender.
*** I was enjoying feeling supported, safe, and powerful, all at the same time.
*** The focus on Gender brought up for me a feeling of disconnect I think because the cultural stereotypes of gender are so limited and don't fit with my experience of myself, so I feel like there is something "wrong" with me because I don't "fit in" to them.
*** I feel grateful for contact improvisation where I can really feel the full range of who I am.
*** This is a week-long topic, not a two hour one! Can we focus on it again next time?
*** Another idea is to have a short talking circle in the middle of the jam, and then have time to continue dancing. This might strengthen and deepen the focus. After all this talking, I feel like dancing again with this stuff in mind!
*** Gender, too ***
This focus was so evocative that we returned to it
for a second go:
The warm-up played with the following idea: Tonight, beyond any idea of “gender” occupy the space you’re in—let your presence be made clear by allowing gravity to do it’s job.
Observations from the closing circle:
*** I feel androgynous tonight. (But you can’t take the woman out of me!)
*** (from a woman) I came with the idea of really indulging the stereotypes. I wanted to have a very female gender dance and allow myself to be lifted and not do the lifting. It was really, really hard to do that.
*** I realized that much of my “presence” comes from my gender, from my sexuality. I’m fueled, energized by my gender, not my “gender identity,” just: gender.
*** When I’m watching dances, the narrative I project on them are different depending on the gender makeup of the dancers: man/man, woman/man, woman/woman. And watching trios the narrative grows exponentially.
*** (from a man) I’m less likely to be manual dancing with a man, to manipulate with my hands—and less frontal. With women I’m more willing to be slow. (Unless I’m super attracted to her). With women I’m more willing to have our faces in close proximity.
*** I love watching men dance because of the edge of danger, the possibility of violence that seems to be biologically inherent and present.
*** (from a woman) I felt lazy and weak tonight and felt OK about it. But I’m not a man so I didn’t have to prove my strength. I could indulge myself. I imagine that if I were a man, I would be more hesitant to go to that place.
*** (from a man) Yes, I’ve gone into the “prove it” place and thrown my back out.
*** When I was in this women’s trio, I got into a narrative about sisters, kind of a slumber party. A couple of boys tried to enter – should we be nice? No! It’s private. We are having our conversation. I felt guilty. Briefly. And then each time we reestablished our women’s trio.
*** I noticed that I don’t pay much attention to gender. I was so familiar with my first partner that gender was completely insignificant.
*** (From a woman) I find that I notice gender all the time. At both the focus jams on gender I danced only with women. With women I don’t get hung up on sexual attraction. (I love women, but I don’t LOVE women) I feel a different kind of freedom in that relationship dancing with women.
*** When I started dancing in the 70’s I was generally the only man or one of two. Even the dress was designed for women. I remember when they changed the labels in tights from “women” to “adult.” Contact Improvisation is more genderless than other forms of dance.
*** This whole recent experience with cancer has drained me of gender—because the treatment literally drained all the estrogen out me. Right now I can’t imagine having a dance where attraction and arousal are part of the equation. It’s more of an even keel. It’s more democratic. Less spikes and dip.
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